Forgiveness

Are there places in your physical, mental and emotional bodies where you feel stuck, that are repetitious and hard to get past? There are those places in me and I would like to share my experience with you.

For the last ten years in my meditation, I have connected with this place on the right side of my body where I have felt intense physical pain, mental and emotional anguish, hurt, anger, sadness, numbness, isolation and loneliness. In being present with this part of me, I have seen many events in my life associated with this place. With time, I have felt peace and acceptance with the causes of my pain. I have been able to experience settling within the "storm" of voices, emotions and bodily sensations. I have learned to rest in the experience and allow the physical, mental and emotional pain to naturally release. What I have discovered is the myriad of energies of this pattern are actually love.

Over the last 10 years or so of consciously working with this pattern, I have healed in many ways. I have received healing as well as help from friends, gaining understanding and perspectives that have helped me experience some temporary relief. In forgiving myself and others for the events that caused my discomfort and pain, I have felt progress. Many times I have experienced life beyond its limitations. However, the pattern would return like a set point and foundation which I unconsciously saw life from. I now know I can live, engage, be happy and successful even while in pain.

This morning in meditation I had the most astonishing experience. I began my meditation feeling stuck on the right side of my body, once again, experiencing the familiar emotions and associated mental states. The day before I had a profound breakthrough in this terrain, so, as we always do, I wondered why I was experiencing this pattern again so vividly. After about 30 minutes of being intimate and present with this experience, at times asking questions about it and feeling impatient, I felt this breath of forgiveness pass through the right side of my body and the emotions that were held there. It was like a refreshing breeze coming out of nowhere. It allowed me to let go of the pain I was holding onto. Tears flowed and I was shown in that instant all the mental and emotional positioning, based on past experiences, I had been living my life from. Despite all my healing, I had never met this place within my body, mind or emotions with forgiveness.

What was then revealed to me was that I was more committed to understanding this pattern, its origin, living within its confines and healing from it, than I was to letting it go and moving on. I was shown that I was committed to seeing life through that pattern’s lens. Without blame or anger toward myself, I felt a sense of relief in this realization and experienced a new sense of openness and readiness to truly let it go and make a fresh start. Who knows how this will affect the physical, mental and emotional pain, but I sense I will have more resiliency, agility and freedom.

I know life is a journey and with each step we learn, grow and open. This journey has taught me so many precious, life-changing lessons that have enriched and expanded me as a human being. I continue to learn of the power of attachment and realize the internal suffering is no longer from the actual events, but from the "I" created from the experiences. The act of forgiveness dissolves mental fabrications and boundaries of me and you or right or wrong and brings us into contact with the emptiness of all experiences. Forgiveness truly releases attachments and habits opening us to the spaciousness and vastness of consciousness we all are.

I give thanks to this experience for it continues to offer me the opportunity to ripen into a kinder, more loving, more open, sensitive, compassionate and forgiving person. I have learned the fruits of perseverance, faith, trust, humility, acceptance, patience and invaluable truths about life, love and happiness.

May you let the sweet warmth of forgiveness into all those places that need love, so you can take your next step toward a brighter future.

Sincerely,
Lisa